Year Zero - 7.2. Stuck

Alter: Kadence

Local Network World: 0718

Dates: 20/06/2025

Day One

“Fuck!” Olivia shouted, looking frantically around the apartment they’d been dumped in. “We’re stuck.”

“What do you mean?”

“You heard me.” Olivia reiterated. “We’re stuck here.”

“How? We just need to find a weak point.”

“There are no weak points, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. They’re pointing in on this side, which is very, very bad. Seven is here; I can feel her, somewhere. Fuck, Kade…it’s happening again.” Kade could see something darting frantically behind Olivia’s eyes; something she hadn’t seen before. She closed her own eyes for a moment, concentrating. She could feel traces of energy nearby. Points of resistance. But there was something different about them; the only way of describing what she felt was that their energy - their flow - was pouring in, where normally there was a stillness; an equilibrium.

“Right. I think I feel what you mean.” Kade confirmed. Olivia nodded.

“Can you do an Otherwhere?” Olivia asked, her enunciation shaky, like she’d just run up a flight of stairs and hadn’t quite caught her breath. Kade closed her eyes, attempting it. She felt something strange, like a tingle of static washing over her brain from front to back. She shivered. Nothing happened.

“It’s not working.”

“No exit. Like I said, it’s happening again.”

“The thing that happened on Anna’s world, you mean?”

“Yes Kade.” Olivia sneered. “That thing.” She shook her head, beginning to pace back and forth. “It took us ages to force our way out, last time. I still don’t really understand how we managed it in the end.” Olivia paused, looking around the room. It looked like the living room of some generic, inner-city apartment; all white walls, recessed downlights and cream, tiled floors. Over to the side, a grey, fabric two-seater couch across from an oversized TV balanced precariously on a minimalist TV Unit. “Thank god whoever lives here isn’t home. So we hopefully have a minute or two to strategise.” Olivia confirmed distractedly, moving cautiously towards a window. She slipped two fingers between the slats of the blinds, splitting them apart and peeking through.

“What, like you can tell how far along it is by looking out at the street?”

“Kade…I want you to hear this with all the disrespect I mean it with: I will always, always know more than you. So if I do something you don’t understand the reason for, you can go ahead and assume that you’re missing something. Probably something pretty obvious.”

“Fuck you.”

“No, fuck you.” Olivia replied calmly. “Actually…I wonder if one of us is here. They’d have to be. Maybe we could get out that way.”

“What do you mean?”

“More of us in the same place makes it easier to…I don’t know, make stuff happen.”

“Really?” Kade asked skeptically.

“Yeah. Why d’you think we all hang out together?” Olivia glanced back over her shoulder in Kade’s direction. “First and foremost: we’re more powerful together.”

“Maybe that’s why Seven’s doing this?” Olivia shook her head.

“No, she uh…she has this whole other thing going on. From what she said, killing us is…” Olivia trailed off, her breath catching slightly. “Incidental.” She paused before continuing. “We’re going to have to go out there. We can’t risk being here when whoever lives here gets home. Also, we’re going to need food at some point, and I need to see if we can pick up on an Alter.” Olivia glanced back again. She had what Kade read as a pained look in her eyes. “We need to put our shit on hold. Can we do that?”

“I’m crazy, not stupid.” Kade smiled wanly.

“Good girl.” Olivia replied. Kade shot her a warning glare. “And…look, I’m being completely real with you when I say this: I am so sorry for what I’m about to ask you to do. Truly. But I need you to mentally prepare yourself for a very shitty request.”

“…What?”

“I need you to super quickly go look in the bedroom and see if you can find anything…” She paused, clearly considering her words carefully: “Masculine. Preferably like…a big hoodie. You need to hide your boobs.”

“I mean, I don’t have - "

“ - Look, the delusional baby-trans stuff is kind of endearing, but this isn’t the time. Everyone can tell you’ve got tits but you. Trust me on that. So…boy clothes, if you can, then go wipe off as much of your makeup as possible.”

“You’re telling me to boy-mode?”

“Like your life depends on it.” Kade took a deep breath. She felt sick to her stomach, like she’d just been punched in it. She could read between the very-unsubtle lines: Olivia was telling her that, for safety reasons, she needed to either look like a girl or look like a boy, and that she was decidedly closer to the latter than the former. A wave of dysphoria hit her like bile rising in her oesophagus, draining her of any and all the positive feeling about her appearance she’d had over the past couple of days. “Kade, I’m really sorry, I promise you I am. I just want to keep you alive.” Kade nodded, leaving the room.

It took her ten minutes to find an oversized black zip-up hoodie and some men’s slacks and wipe off most of her makeup. The eyeliner along her waterline wasn’t coming off and she decided that they were just going to have to live with that. It was lucky - ‘lucky’, Kade reflected bitterly - that the apartment had been, clearly, a man’s apartment, and that they’d been a similar enough size that Kade could fit into their clothes. The fabric felt too weighty and dense: it surprised her how quickly she’d gotten used to thinner, layered clothes. Going back made her feel…too many things to contemplate in that exact moment. She shoved those feelings down into her already roiling guts and resolved to yell at Olivia for this at some future point, no matter how prescient or reasonable the request turned out to have been.

“Okay, so…” Olivia started to quietly explain as the elevator slowly descended toward floor ‘G’: “Y’know all the things you worry about when you’re out in public? That people can clock you, that they’re judging you, that they might say or do something to you?” Kade ‘hmm’d’ in the affirmative. “That’s how this starts. The paranoia is no longer paranoia. Anyone visibly anything other than straight or white or cis - or male, after a bit - is potentially heading for trouble. That’s how this starts.” The elevator opened into a small, relatively fancy lobby area. The kind with shiny, faux-marble tiling and reflective, gold-hued chromatic finishes on all the door handles and metal linings. Without issue, they walked through and out the sliding door into the street. It was immediately clear they were in the city, outside one of the residential towers. The problem, Kade supposed, was that she constantly felt acutely aware of her transness in public, and had invested a lot of energy in resolving that, first, most people didn’t care and second, even if they did care, they wouldn’t make a public issue of it. She was suddenly being thrust into a situation where neither thing was remotely assured, and the net result was that she suddenly felt extremely visible and agoraphobic. Her jaw clenched involuntarily as she tried to force the feeling down with the rest.

“Doesn’t honestly sound that different from the present.” Kade observed bitterly as Olivia pulled slightly ahead of her, dictating their route.

“Yeah, that’s exactly the problem.” Olivia replied over her shoulder. “You’re not gonna see anything that isn’t either actively already happening in the world, or a logical escalation of something you’ve seen or heard has happened. So it takes too much time for it to set off any real alarm bells. Everyone expects the world to be cruel. Most people don’t expect it to get actively, radically crueller. And definitely not so fast.” The two paused, silent, as a couple of strangers passed them without issue. Olivia indicated they should cross the road, pushing the button at a traffic light.

“What about resistance?”

“Plenty of that, sure. But whatever it is that Seven does, it’s not just the people who hate us that it affects. Have you ever hung out with leftists? Activists?” Kade shook her head. “A good rule of thumb is they tend to spend at least as much time fighting amongst themselves as they do fighting the actual problem. That side of things intensifies too. It’s divide and conquer, but the left tends to do just as good a job of dividing themselves as the reactionaries ever manage to. There’s this ironic thing that happens where a lot of them argue about efficacy, like what’s the best way of making change happen. And while they’re arguing about whose strategy is the most effective and whose strategy makes them part of the problem, the Overton window shifts a little further rightwards and a few more everyday people agree with the hate just a little bit more. Rinse and repeat. Eventually you get Trump’s fucking America and our fucking people are still arguing about fucking praxis.” The crossing light went from red to green.

“Can you feel anything yet?” Kade ventured.

“Not yet. Can you?”

“I think maybe I can…but it might be nothing.”

“Kade, you’re better at this than me. I need you to trust yourself and take the lead. Can you do that?” Kade nodded uncertainly. “Good. Where?”

“Uh…across the river. It feels pretty close.”

“Okay, sure. Let’s try it.” The two of them walked across whatever this world’s variant of Victoria/Unity Bridge was called. Kade took the lead, feeling less like a leader and more like Olivia’s bloodhound. It took about half an hour, but the walk was without incident. Kade was thankful that it was mid-afternoon: there weren’t too many people around. Mostly groups of school-kids who had just finished for the day and people in corporate-wear stopping by coffee shops on their way back to work.

“It’s here.” Kade stated, nodding toward the small mid-rise apartment building overlooking the river.

“Are you sure? It’s uh…it’s really nice?” Olivia asked, clearly uncertain. Kade shrugged and nodded. “Okay, sure. I’m gonna assume the lift needs a passkey. If we can get to a fire escape do you think you can work out when we’re on the right floor?” Kade nodded uncertainly. “Okay. Let’s uh…let’s give this a go.”

Alice’s World

Olivia knocked on the apartment door. Kade stood behind her and off to the side, cracking her knuckles nervously. It wasn’t long before the door slowly opened.

“Okay,” Olivia started as a woman with an immediately recognisable face - theirs, but closer to Kade’s than Olivia’s - opened the door. Her hair was a dark, ashy blonde colour: “So I know this is a really strange situation and you probably have a lot of questions - "

“ - No, it’s fine,” the blonde Alter cut Olivia off mid-sentence: “You guys are alternate versions of me and you came here from a different version of this world.” She nodded matter-of-factly. Kade saw Olivia breathe a sigh of relief.

“Thank fuck.”

“Yeah, thank you, she’s really bad at that whole ‘introductory speech’ thing.” Kade explained. The Alter nodded.

“It’s no problem. Did you guys want to come in?” They both nodded emphatically. The Alter stepped to the side to let them past, closing the door after them. “Did you want anything to drink? Coffee?” The Alter’s apartment was large, tidy and modern. The kitchen, in particular - with white, marble-look stone countertops and clearly expensive stainless steel appliances - looked to Kade a lot like the kitchens she’d seen in the rental advertisements she routinely skipped past due to price. Astride the kitchen was a hardwood floor dining area, and to the left of that was a living room with a comfortable looking corner-couch and a possibly designer coffee table: all thin aluminium curves with a circular glass top. With a quiet smile, Kade noted the trans and lesbian flags on the wall behind the far side of the couch. Directly in front of the living room were a series of floor-to-ceiling glass panes to either side of a glass sliding door, presenting a perfect view over the river and out towards the city.

“Do you have anything stronger by any chance?” Olivia asked hopefully. Kade rolled her eyes, but waited patiently for the answer.

“Uh…yeah, I have some vodka I guess? And some orange juice?”

“Please,” Olivia nodded. The Alter looked over at Kade.

“Yeah, sure. Why not? Thank you.” Kade raised an eyebrow at Olivia.

“Fuck off, Kade. My back still hurts a bit and people have screwdrivers for brunch. This is fine.”

“I’m Alice, by the way.” Alice said, retreating to the kitchen and starting to put together some drinks.

“Olivia. Liv.”

“I’m Kade.”

“So uh…” Alice paused, open vodka bottle in hand, clearly running through ways to phrase a question: “Business or pleasure?”

“Accident.” Olivia clarified. “I was helping Kade get to grips with her powers, and - "

“ - Powers?” Alice’s nose crinkled. She walked the screwdrivers over to Kade and Olivia. “Oh, I don’t have any ice. Sorry about that.”

“It’s so fine.” Kade nodded an appreciative little thank you. Olivia was already taking an oversized mouthful.

“Okay. That’s better.” Olivia smiled. “I know I probably seem like an alcoholic right now, but it’s been a very bad day. Week. Year. I dunno…life.”

“But yes. Powers. Do you…have any?”

“Not…that I’m aware of?” Alice replied, slightly bemused. Kade shrugged.

“Liv, show her your party trick.” Olivia glared over at Kade briefly, mouthing the words ‘party trick’ before cracking her neck, raising her arms slightly, narrowing her eyes and focussing her attention on Alice. Kade felt a little confused and slightly irritated about the theatrics. Part of her wondered why she hadn’t warranted them. Olivia simply continued to direct her focus towards Alice. After a few seconds she shook her head and smiled ironically, glancing over at Kade.

“She’s just like you. Like literally just like you, timeline-wise. It’s like looking at your life if you were less of a fuckup.” Kade’s jaw clenched in irritation, but she left it be. Alice smiled nervously.

“What’s going on…?”

“Liv’s power is that she can kind of…detect where we diverge from one another, how different they are, what’s different and why.” Kade explained.

“Really? That’s actually pretty cool.”

“So you and I only really diverged when I transitioned at twenty-two. Our histories seem pretty aligned up until that point. You only started transitioning in…what…the last year?” Alice paused and shrugged before nodding. “But you two started diverging around…twenty-four or so, after Alice’s mother died. So sorry by the way.“

“It’s okay, it was a long time ago,” Alice assured her.

“You started doing…a PhD in Genocide Studies, instead of…y’know…failing to graduate from a…Masters in Literature? Really Kade? What the fuck were you planning on doing with that?”

“Oh get fucked.” Kade sneered.

“Anyway,” Olivia turned her attention to Alice directly: “You graduated and went into academia while Kade and I were busy falling into bland-corporate-bullshit rabbit holes…” Olivia nodded to herself. From where Kade was observing, she was clearly impressed. Kade couldn’t help but feel…something about that. Jealousy, possibly? “You’re working on a book, on…” Olivia paused, concentrating before attempting: “Moulin Rouge?”

“The Khmer Rouge. They were…” Alice paused, considering: “Never mind, it’s fine.”

“Everyone was really supportive when you came out and you’re…super happy and well adjusted.”

“I mean, I dunno about all that. But yeah, things have been pretty good lately. It’s been…kind of exciting, actually.” Kade and Olivia both took a large sip of their drink in unison.

“So happy for you. That’s amazing.” Kade croaked out as the vodka burned down her throat and into her stomach.

“Yeah, seems like you’re killing it.” Olivia deadpanned.

“And you look…wow, seriously, less than a year? You look great.” Kade wasn’t exaggerating. Alice’s hair - half-up-half-down with just a hint of dark regrowth at the roots - looked good enough that Kade found herself suddenly, unexpectedly and actively considering trying blonde. Her makeup was minimal but outstanding. Her outfit - just a flowy patchwork peasant skirt in a blend of autumn colours and an off-the-shoulder tan blouse that somehow managed to not emphasise the width of her upper body - suited her perfectly. She had a tattoo that Kade now wanted to copy the idea for covering her left shoulder down to - from what Kade could tell with it partially covered by the blouse - her bicep: black and white line-work roses dripping highlights of crimson blood. Alice shrugged, looking off to the side, smiling to herself.

“Thank you, that’s really kind of you.”

“Also…are you gay?” Olivia queried.

“For fucks sake, Liv.” Kade sighed.

“Uh…yes?” Alice confirmed, raising an eyebrow in obvious confusion. Kade nudged Olivia, pointing into the living room at the lesbian flag.

“Sorry, I guess I’m oblivious.” Olivia winced.

“Well, in fairness, oblivious is a very lesbian thing to be…” Alice smiled.

“One of these days, though…” Olivia muttered.

“Ignore her. It’s a whole thing.” Kade rolled her eyes. “She has this fixation that there must be a straight version of us out there somewhere. Like…statistically.”

“I’d settle for bi or pan at this point.” Olivia shrugged.

“No interest in finding an asexual one?” Kade asked. “As always, erasure rears its ugly head.”

“Um…excuse me? Have you met Kira?”

“Oh really? I stand corrected.”

“I mean, she’s not wrong. Statistically it does seem likely.” Alice nodded in agreement.

“Right?” Olivia nodded vigorously. “Thank you.”

“So if you’re looking, does that mean you know a lot of alternate versions of…us?”

“Alters, we usually call them.” Olivia clarified.

“Like with Dissociative Identity Disorder?” Alice asked. Olivia’s head lilted to the side and she stared off into the middle distance with her mouth slightly open like it was the first time she’d made the connection.

“Huh.” She shook her head before turning her attention back to Alice: “Same abbreviation different origin, really. But yeah. Not that many. About a dozen at this stage.”

“Oh wow. Other than you two, today, it’s just been me and…” The three of them turned to the door as they heard a key turning in the lock. Slowly, the door opened, revealing another Alter. The new arrival paused in the doorway, eyebrows furrowing inward in confusion. It took Kade a second to mentally process her. The new Alter looked exactly like Olivia. They were wearing the exact same outfit: a black tank top and high waisted black jeans. The main differentiating factor was that this new Alter had a buzzed undercut on the left side of her head, and her hair tied back in a small ponytail.

“Hi, I’m Faith.” Faith gave them all an awkward wave.

Perverse Incentive

Kade sat alone in the darkened bedroom. She could hear them, in the other room. Olivia was running through the progression of violence in Anna’s world; Alice and Faith occasionally asking questions or making minor arguments. Largely, Kade was trying to block it out; to get a handle on the slow escalation of her brain inching towards panic, and the accompanying physical discomfort she could feel worming its way through her guts. She had always thought the expression ‘stomach in knots’ was hyperbolic. A dramatic exaggeration for a feeling of generalised distress. Her opinion on this was rapidly shifting.

Alice’s bed was soft and comfortable, with a pastel blue bedspread and a small collection of plush animals propped against her pillows. Kade had accepted Alice’s offer to borrow some clothes, and sat, rocking back and forth with her hands clasped between her knees in an asymmetric black satin skirt and a a blue and white flannel over-shirt. Taking a deep breath, she pulled herself back onto the bed, lying against the pillows and plushes and knitting her fingers together over her stomach. Without really thinking about it, she grabbed for one of the plushes, pressing it tightly against her chest and hugging it to her body, letting her lips settle against the fuzzy top of it. The feeling was unfamiliar and uncomfortable, but she was starting to understand it. It was something she couldn’t remember having felt before, being, to some extent, a fairly dramatic inversion of her emotional baseline. Simply, Kade had no familiarity with - and no point of reference for how to process - the feelings associated with actively wanting to continue being alive.

It wasn’t that she consistently wanted to be dead. It was typically more of a reflex; her mind solving for - presenting options regarding - a wish that she could make the dysphoria and the loneliness and the struggle and the rancid, never-ending instability of her thought patterns just…stop. On a normal day, under normal circumstances, her experience was that she just…didn’t particularly care either way. She typically felt that living was a thing she was meant to keep doing - as much for the benefit of people who loved her, or claimed to, as for any other reason - but that it was something she was fundamentally ambivalent about, outside of the moments when everything got to be too much to bear. Now, for the first time in as long as she could remember, she found herself realising that she…actually didn’t want it to stop. That she wanted it to keep going. That her life was finally, actually hers, and it was, maybe, something worth fighting for. And realising that - feeling that, deep in the core of herself - scared her in a way that she couldn’t properly compute. It was twisting her stomach into knots, and it made her want to curl up in a ball and cry. Because what if she didn’t get to? Because that was the pattern, right? The data she had access to told her that wanting things led to losing them. That loving people led to loneliness. That effort led to failure. Living never used to matter, and the fact that it suddenly did terrified her. Especially now. Especially here.

Kade got to her feet, moving towards the door. She gripped the handle, pausing and leaning against it. She sighed. As she pulled the door open, Olivia, Alice and Faith fell silent.

“There has to be a way to stop it. If I can make an Otherwhere, I can change a Rift. Close it, make it stop…whatever. I’ll work this out and I’ll fix it.”