Anomie.04

Characters/Origins/Spoilers: Bel, Olivia, Anna, Alice, Faith (Year Zero/The Alters) Mic (Dark Skies)

Local Network World: 0333

Faith had never actually experienced an earthquake. She could remember Alice describing one, after a conference she’d attended in Wellington, and based on that recollection she couldn’t help but feel like Alice had kind of fucking undersold it.

The fine muscles in her palms and fingers vibrating and spasming, Faith gripped onto Alice, huddling over her, shielding her in the doorframe between the lounge and Bel’s room, her eyes squeezed tightly shut as the apartment rumbled and shook beneath them. The sound - the stuttering vibrations - of the world around them coming apart at the seams; her teeth on edge, her fight versus flight reflex paralysed and screaming at her futilely, Faith found herself having to take manual control of her limbs, her breathing…

There was a loud cracking, splintering sound; an explosively sharp snap, and Faith’s eyes shot open and up as the door to the apartment crashed inwards, cracked off its hinges, split in two. The rumbling began to subside. Standing in the empty frame of the former front door was a lone figure. Black tank-top and black jeans. Side-shaved head of curly brown-black hair. Minimal overall makeup contrasting with maximally winged eyeliner, punctuated by a thin row of dots trailing off from the end-point on the left side. It was her. She was looking at herself. Herself smirked, glancing around the room, eyes finding Bel, huddled against the far wall. Faith took stock: Bel was there…and she knew Olivia, Mic, and Anna had run for the bathroom. And she had Alice. She gripped Alice a little tighter, slowly bringing up one of her hands to run it slowly through Alice’s dirty-blonde hair.

“Where’s Olivia?” It asked Bel. Casual. Flat affect.

“You need to get out.” Bel growled.

“No…” It replied: “What I need, is to teach one of your little toys a lesson, and what I want, is a prop. Now where is she?”

“Get out. Now.” Faith demanded, getting to her feet.

“What’re you gonna do? You don’t even have the residue of a power. Which…ironic, honestly - ”

“ - Stop.” Bel demanded. It frowned, stepping into the apartment…over and around the splintered fragments of the former door. Faith couldn’t tell if it was purely her imagination, but the lamp-lit apartment seemed to…dim. Just a few shades of shadow darker.

“Why, cause spoilers?” It raised an eyebrow.

“Fuck you.” Bel rolled her eyes.

“Fuck you right back, girlie-pop. Where’s your fucking toy?”

“I’m not a toy.” Olivia said quietly, cautiously emerging from the bathroom, flanked by Mic and Anna. “And why do you look like Kade?”

“For fucks sake…” It shook Its head, raising a hand to the top of its nose and squeezing down on the bridge of it. “Let’s just…clear up the mechanism, shall we? I’m sick of this happening every…fucking…time I run into one of you. How you see me pulls from your subconscious. It’s based on fear.”

“Fear of what?” Bel murmured.

“Unclear.” It shrugged. “What you’re scared of? Who you’re scared for? It varies. So you and Olivia and Alice get Kade - which is hilarious to me, personally - Seven gets her child-self, Kade gets Kieran, obviously…Faith gets herself, which a blind girl could’ve seen coming, honestly…Anna gets Dawn - don’t ask - and Mic gets Vi.”

“That’s stupid - ” Mic started to leverage an eyeroll in It’s direction, before being cut off:

“ - Liv. Let’s go. Willingly, or dragged by the hair…I don’t really have a preference, so it’s up to you.”

“What do you want?” Faith asked, taking a step out of the doorframe and towards It.

“I think I’ve been pretty clear - ”

“ - No, beyond that. What’s the point of all this?”

“Why? Why do you care?” It asked, responding to Faith but making direct eye contact with Bel as It continued. “You didn’t care yesterday, when the world ended. You didn’t care when Kade and Seven came after me. Didn’t care when they got themselves trapped in an object lesson about how soft and forgiving this world is not. Start giving a shit, and maybe I’ll feel more inclined to give you some answers.”

“What…did you do…with Kade?” Bel hissed.

“Well that’s a bit fucking dramatic, for someone who responded to the apocalypse with a cocktail night. If I were a psychologist…” It clenched It’s teeth and inhaled sharply, letting out a small, pained whistling sound.

“You’re one of us, aren’t you?” Faith inferred.

“Definitely not, no. Might be one of her.” It nodded in Bel’s direction. “What’ll it be, Liv?”

“Fuck you.” Olivia spat.

“There’s no world in the fucking Multiverse, I promise you that.” It raised a hand with a bored little eyeroll, forcing Olivia forward and towards it, as if gravity had taken a 90 degree turn and she was simply…falling. Faith took a step forward, finding herself stuck in place. She felt Alice’s hands on her, protectively around her stomach as she struggled for forward momentum.

“Bel! Fucking do something!” Faith gasped, forcing the words up and out through semi-frozen vocal cords.

“Oh, she doesn’t do that.” Faith could see It’s eyes locked with Bel’s as Olivia fell into It’s grip, hand around the scruff of her neck. Faith could see the fear in Olivia’s eyes.

“You should take me!” Faith attempted.

“No!” Alice insisted.

“Yeah, that and four-fifty’ll buy me a Flat White.” It snorted, ignoring Alice entirely. “You’re not fit for purpose, babes. That circle doesn’t square.” Faith’s eyes went to Mic’s eyes as they darted to Anna, as Anna started to lean down to reach for a bottle. “Try it and you lose a fucking arm, bitch.” It smiled wanly, not looking away from Bel.

The room was frozen. Faith, struggling in place, Alice draped protectively around her; Mic and Anna, desperate but paralysed; It standing amidst them, fingers locked around the back of Olivia’s neck, strong enough to hold her, limply, just off the ground with a single hand. And Bel, breathing unsteadily…impotent snarl fixed on her face. “So do I…go?” It asked. “You’re really just going to stand there and let this happen?” It raised an eyebrow, still staring Bel down.

“I can’t lose her, Bel…” Anna pleaded, words cracking.

“Take me instead.” Bel finally whispered. Its expression cracked into a smile. Just a hint of teeth, and a tiny little chuckle.

“No.” It took a step backward, disappearing into an Otherwhere with Olivia still in hand.

“You just stood there!” Anna shouted, up in Bel’s face, finger up and accusingly under the taller girl’s chin.

“I tried!” Bel insisted. “I don’t know what It is! What was I meant to do other than - ”

“ - Feed Liv to It? You can rewrite fucking reality, don’t you dare play the defenceless card - ”

“ - ‘Rewrite reality’? What’s that meant to mean? - ”

“ - You know what it means.” Mic scoffed, cutting her way in. She and Anna stood, triangulating Bel against the wall as her breathing grew increasingly ragged: “We’re not just…randomly in your world, there are bits of us missing. Like…why don’t I remember what happened when I got back from my trip, Bel? Why don’t I remember Vi’s face? Why don’t I have Echoes?” Mic threw up her hands, eyes widening.

“And how am I alive?” Anna added, quieter, growling out a nasty little snarl. Bel stood there, eyes closed and shaking. Faith took a deep breath, leaning over to kiss Alice on the cheek before stepping into the fray.

“Back off, now.” She muttered. Anna and Mic stood aside as she approached Bel, grabbing for her hand. “Come on.” She led Bel to the couch, sitting down with her. “Why Kade?” She asked.

“What?” Bel hissed.

“It said you saw It as Kade. Why?” Faith asked, voice calm and quiet.

“What is this?” Bel murmured. “What’s the…what’s the angle?”

“To get you to intellectualise something painful that we couldn’t possibly judge you for. It’s…how we all…cope. Well, not Maya, but the rest of us. We retreat into abstraction.” Faith rationalised.

“Building out dissociative frameworks, and compartmentalisations - ”

“ - Yeah. Exactly.”

“Are we seriously just letting her off the hook like - “ Mic scoffed, cutting in before getting cut off by Faith’s glare.

“ - Yeah. Absolutely we are, for the time being. We all suck, and none of us can do anything to fix anything while getting torn down by the quorum, so back off and let me fix…this.” Faith hissed.

“It’s like that…drink thing.” Bel murmured, eyes glazed over, staring into the middle distance.

“Mmhmm.” Faith encouraged.

“That thing where…you take a mouthful of something, and hold it on your tongue. And you think about the taste, the flavour, the consistency. And after a bit - not long - the taste becomes feeling. Like…electricity over your tongue. Decipherable.”

“Yeah. Sublimation. It’s a cool trick if you’re…y’know…broken enough to do it to your emotions the way you can do it to a mouthful of juice.”

“Which we are.”

“Yeah. We are.” Faith nodded. “So why Kade?”

“She…” Bel trailed off. Faith placed a hand on her knee. Bel took a breath. Then another. Them continued. “Kade scares me. The Alters thing…we’re all upwards of fifty percent the same person. Almost all of us have the exact same histories into our twenties. Which makes us pretty…legible to one another, even where we radically diverged at some point. So I look at Kade, and what happened to her…on Alice’s World, then with Seven…and I see what she became, and how quickly she became it…and I’m just like…narratively, I know where that would end up. For me. To be clear, it’s not that I think she’s…bad. It’s not that I think she could ever…be that. I just know how much she could justify. How much power she’d have behind those justifications.”

“Makes sense. I just see myself ‘cause I hate myself.” Faith shrugged, squeezing Bel’s knee. Bel chuckled, shaking her head.

“I just see Vi because I’m worried about my girlfriend.” Mic offered. She glanced at Anna encouragingly.

“Nope.” Annabelle obliquely refused, turning on her heel and moving towards the kitchen. Faith watched her reaching for a glass and the bottle of gin.

“I feel the same about Kade, in a way.” Alice admitted, moving behind Faith and placing a hand on her shoulder. Faith reached back to interlock their fingers, smiling up at her. “How hard she cares, combined with that power, combined with how much hurt she’s carrying…it’s like a sum that can’t resolve, and it’s like it makes her…restless, I guess. Sometimes when you talk to her, you can feel like…like she processes via ethics rather than morality? Which sounds fine, but…historically, lashing out based on vibes - not ideal, but - tends to hurt a lot less people on aggregate than acting on an unshakeable, persistent, concrete belief that you’re correct. A belief that almost rises to the level of a law of physics. And I’ve seen her get there. To that level of certainty. It’s half of why I see her when I see It, I assume. The other half is probably that…she’s just…little Kadence.”

“We’re all the same age, like…” Mic rolled her eyes. “Kind of infantilising, no?”

“Oh fuck off. I mean, yes, in terms of time spent alive, obviously we’re the same age. But queer time, age regression stuff, her 20 years of fumbling, dissociated in the closet? Sometimes she seems so…young. And yeah, I’m scared for her.”

“Before Bel’s world, she was a match for Seven, power-wise. Hardly the person to focus on.” Mic countered.

“Capability isn’t really a good metric for stability. Not enough people get that. Especially people who think it is and then slam head-first into autistic burn-out.” Alice rationalised.

“Do you two always bicker so much?” Bel raised an eyebrow.

“Yes.” Alice and Mic acknowledged simultaneously.

“Must be fun for you, your girlfriend versus your new bestie?” Bel glanced at Faith.

“It’s fine.” Faith shrugged. “It’s an open secret that Mic wants to get bullied by hot trans girls - ”

“ - Hey!” Mic frowned.

“Oh please, you little chaser.” Faith scoffed. “Anyway, so long as it stays an intellectual exercise, I mostly find it…funny.”

“She’s not my type, anyway.” Alice shrugged.

“What, not close enough to a mirror-image for you?” Mic smiled faux-innocently.

“I mean, I would argue with that, but…I just can’t really seem to…care?” Alice smirked.

“You’re not a mirror image. You have very different hair. Oh, and better tattoos? Also you dress much more femme.” Faith nodded to herself. “It’s almost like we’re two individual, consenting adults, without any problematic power-dynamic stuff who made an educated, informed romantic choice. Weird. Probably not something you’re used to.” Faith glanced over at Mic, making a face.

“Go fuck yourself.” Mic frowned.

“Come on, Mic; you’re really gonna set me up like that?” Faith smirked, raising an eyebrow.

“Cool, good work with the ‘regression towards the mean’ thing, Faith…” Anna contributed from the kitchen, swirling her freshly made gin and tonic around in its shallow tumbler in a way that somehow registered immediately to Faith as ‘passive aggressive’. “But Olivia’s gone. This thing wants to use her as a prop in whatever It’s fucked up idea of a ‘lesson’ is. Which means we’re three girls - friends; family - down, in the worst way. Oh, and hey. Apocalypse. Not my first. Not yours, either. If I have my headcount right, the only virgin here is Bel, who’s also our only heavy hitter, which is…not strategically awesome. So…what the fuck now?” The entire room turned to look at Anna. She shrugged expectantly under scrutiny, almost daring someone to pitch a plan. Eventually, Bel sighed.

“I’ll handle it.” She stated, slowly getting to her feet.

“When?” Anna asked.

“Now.” Bel nodded to herself.

“How?” Anna pushed, this time excessively skeptically, sipping at her drink.

“Just…I’ll handle it.” Bel insisted, voice wavering more than a little. Faith reached out, grabbing for her hand. Bel looked back at her.

“You’ll need support.” Faith said simply. She started to get to her feet.

“What kind of support - ”

“ - I dunno, Bel, ‘moral’?” Faith sighed. “You shouldn’t go alone. None of us have powers worth a damn, but I can at least…look vaguely intimidating? So get your shit together.”

“Faith - “ Alice started.

“ - No baby. Just me.” Faith pre-empted.

“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of Alice for you.” Mic assured Faith.

“In what multiverse am I the one to worry about, here?” Alice snapped at Mic before looking back to Faith. “Your track record for this kind of thing is…”

“You know who you’re dating.” Faith shrugged, smiling a pained little smile. “I love you. I’ll be as careful as I can. Try not to kill Mic while I’m out.” Faith kneeled on the couch as Alice leaned over its back, reaching forward to cup Faith’s face in both hands; kissing her forehead, then her left cheek, then her lips.

“Don’t fucking die again, I swear to god.”

“The only thing I’d die for is you, sweetheart.” Faith smiled, before frowning, considering that. “I mean…literally, that is kind of how it went down last time.”

“You’re an idiot. And I love you too.” Alice sighed.

****** 
“Can you feel it?” Bel murmured as they neared the river. The conflagration of ‘X’’s stretched out from where they stood down towards Victoria Bridge, imitating a vast, gothic-esque memorial park.

“Yeah. I can.” Faith acknowledged. “Something…wrong. But familiar. Like ownership, in a way.”

“They just make me feel…” Bel trailed off, seeming to consider her next words: “Something, deep in, like…sadness. Regret. Shame. And also this thing I can’t quite place. Like that feeling you get when you’re looking for something, but you can’t remember what it is?”

“I don’t feel that.” Faith shook her head. “I do feel an Otherwhere, though.”

“Yeah.” Bel sighed. “Same.” She walked a ways forward, reaching out to trace her fingers through what looked, to the naked eye, like empty air. Faith could feel it more than see it; the…ripples of energy. The liminality of it. Like a thin tear between ‘here’ and ‘there’, wrapped up in a kind of slow-sucking current. “Should we risk it?”

“It’s what we cane for, right?” Faith rationalised. “So…In for a penny, I guess…” She shrugged, walking forward and through the rift to the Otherwhere. Bel followed.

On the other side was just…nothing. Darkness. Faith glanced to her left. She could see Bel perfectly, but there was no apparent light source. Just formless black surrounding them on all sides.

“Oh hi.” Faith heard from behind them. She turned to face the voice, finding her eyes locked either a perfectly matching set. It raised an eyebrow, stepping back and going to sit; a long, maroon couch appearing beneath it. Vaguely old-English, with the polished, meticulously carved, gold-brown wooden frame, and dimpled, buttoned cushioning.

“Bit much?” Faith raised an eyebrow.

“Isn’t that what your friends and family used to say about you?” It asked, tone lilting mockingly.

“Y’know…being an asshole doesn’t make you interesting. You get that, right?” Faith frowned.

“I mean…statistically there does seem to be a pretty heavy social correlation. We all know mean girls fucking thrive. Turns out, validation pulls more serotonin when it’s coming from someone that your brain perceives as a danger. Same with alternating stimulus. It’s why love-bombing and avoidant behaviour work so well. The good stuff is bland without like…contrast? Texture?” It paused, considering. “Oh, right: what the fuck do you want?”

“Where’s Kade?” Bel demanded.

“Oh. Right. That. So, just to be up front, you don’t get Liv or Kade or Seven back. Not right now. But you can have them back later.”

“Why? What do you even want with them? Or in general?” Faith asked, putting significant work into keeping her tone even.

“You asked that before…” It reminded her, folding one leg over the other and stretching back into the couch, one arm draped over either side of its’ back: “And I told you…that if you started caring, I might be inclined to be more forthcoming.”

“We’re here, aren’t we?” Faith retorted.

“And you think that’s…caring, do you? The two of you - just the two of you - showing up to go toe to toe with an indestructible foe - ”

“ - You’re not indestructible.” Bel countered.

“Well…no, that’s true.” It admitted. “But narratively I’m pretty untouchable, at this stage, wouldn’t you say? This is the point in the story where you make a big, decisive move, and it goes horribly poorly, because structurally you can’t actually have a chance until Act Three, and…surprise surprise, we’re not there yet.” It smiled, before stifling a small yawn. “Ergo…same diff. Ergo, this isn’t ‘caring’, this is despair.”

“A lot of overconfident assholes get their shit rocked in Act Two.” Bel’s lips tightened. Faith could see she was trying to square her shoulders; correct her posture. It clearly clocked the attempt, chuckling and shaking Its head.

“Come on, then?” It offered, angling its hands up invitationally without bothering to actually adjust its overall positioning against the couch. “Give it your best.” Bel stood, stuck in place, as the tableau devolved into awkward silence.

“Bel?” Faith prompted.

“Don’t be too hard on her.” It shook Its head with a small, sad smile: “She’s not like you, Faith.”

“Oh, you know me?” Faith scoffed.

“You think I’m not familiar with Year Zero? Losing the love of your life and still going to bat - literally - for Liv and Kade in the midst of an apocalypse? One lonely, damaged trans girl, let down by Community…choosing kindness and becoming the Community she wished she’d had, against all odds? Decent arc. Also, speaking of: how are you alive? Didn’t you die? Don’t wanna…” It nodded in Bel’s general direction. “Ask her about that one?”

“Don’t try and wedge me. Intra-group violence is a luxury we don’t have time for.”

“Is it? If memory serves, the girls you tried to befriend after coming out seemed to always manage to find time.”

“Fuck them. Fuck you.”

“Oops, hit a nerve I guess.” She raised an eyebrow with a small, faux-apologetic grimace. “Anyway. Just saying…in her shoes, you’d probably do something right? Make the ‘hero’ play to protect your…” It smirked at Bel, raising both hands slightly to showcase two sets of index-and-middle-finger couplets, bent at the knuckle: “‘Friends’?”

“This isn’t about - “ Faith started.

“ - Fuck it.” Bel interjected. “You leave them out of this, you get me.”

“I mean, I feel like I already - ”

“ - No. not reluctantly. Not begrudgingly. I’ll do…whatever you want, willingly…participate in whatever stupid fucking game this is, so long as they’re safe.” It regarded Bel coldly. Slowly, Its head lolled to the side, considering. Moments passed.

“Yeah. Okay. I can work with that.” It nodded to Faith. “Don’t let the door - ”

She was cut off by the world shimmering out of focus around Faith as she was thrown out of the Otherwhere, finding herself on her knees, in the grass, looking up at the forest of ‘X’’s.